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'Why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?'

Counsel: What is your name?

Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler.

Counsel: Is that your own name?

Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?

Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name.

Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?

Counsel: It is not unknown for people to give a false name in court.

Chrysler: Which court?

Counsel: This court.

Chrysler: What is the name of this court?

Counsel: This is No 5 Court.

Chrysler: No, that is the number of this court. What is the name of this court?

Counsel: It is quite immaterial what the name of this court is!

Chrysler: Then perhaps it is immaterial if Chrysler is really my name.

Counsel: No, not really, you see because!

Judge: Mr Lovelace?

Counsel: Yes, m'lud?

Judge: I think Mr Chrysler is running rings round you already. I would try a new line of attack if I were you.

Counsel: Thank you, m'lud.

Chrysler: And thank you from ME, m'lud. It's nice to be appreciated.

Judge: Shut up, witness.

Chrysler: Willingly, m'lud. It is a pleasure to be told to shut up by you. For you, I would!

Judge: Shut up, witness. Carry on, Mr Lovelace.

Counsel: Now, Mr Chrysler - for let us assume that that is your name - you are accused of purloining in excess of 40,000 hotel coat hangers.

Chrysler: I am.

Counsel: Can you explain how this came about?

Chrysler: Yes. I had 40,000 coats which I needed to hang up.

Counsel: Is that true?

Chrysler: No.

Counsel: Then why did you say it?

Chrysler: To attempt to throw you off balance.

Counsel: Off balance?

Chrysler: Certainly. As you know, all barristers seek to undermine the confidence of any hostile witness, or defendant. Therefore it must be equally open to the witness, or defendant, to try to shake the confidence of a hostile barrister.

Counsel: On the contrary, you are not here to indulge in cut and thrust with me. You are only here to answer my questions.

Chrysler: Was that a question?

Counsel: No.

Chrysler: Then I can't answer it.

Judge: Come on, Mr Lovelace! I think you are still being given the run-around here. You can do better than that. At least, for the sake of the English bar, I hope you can.

Counsel: Yes, m'lud. Now, Mr Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?

Chrysler: Is that a question?

Counsel: Yes.

Chrysler: It doesn't sound like one. It sounds like a proposition which doesn't believe in itself. You know - "Perhaps I will describe the reason I had to steal 40,000 coat hangers! Perhaps I won't! Perhaps I'll sing a little song instead!"

Judge: In fairness to Mr Lovelace, Mr Chrysler, I should remind you that barristers have an innate reluctance to frame a question as a question. Where you and I would say, "Where were you on Tuesday?", they are more likely to say, "Perhaps you could now inform the court of your precise whereabouts on the day after that Monday?". It isn't, strictly, a question, and it is not graceful English but you must pretend that it is a question and then answer it, otherwise we will be here for ever. Do you understand?

Chrysler: Yes, m'lud.

Judge: Carry on, Mr Lovelace.

Counsel: Mr Chrysler, why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing as you must have that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?

Chrysler: Because I build and sell wardrobes which are specially designed to take nothing but hotel coat hangers.

It then continues...

Counsel: Now, Mr Chrysler, am I right in saying that hotel clothes hangers do not have hooks on top but little studs that will only work on special racks?

Chrysler: That is correct.

Counsel: This design arose because so many hotel hangers were stolen.

Chrysler: That is correct.

Counsel: And they had no option but to change the design to stop them being stolen?

Chrysler: That is not correct.

Counsel: That is not correct?

Chrysler: No. The world of hotels had not one, but two options. They could change the design of the way they were hung, yes, but they could also cheapen the hangers. They could very easily have given guests inexpensive plastic or metal hangers they would never have missed when they were stolen. But that would have lowered the tone of the hotel. Hotels, even hotels in a chain, like to have a touch of class. They like giving guests high-class solid wood hangers. It makes them feel good about themselves. It also makes them worth stealing.

Counsel: And people come to you, do they, asking you to make special wardrobes so that they can use stolen clothes hangers?

Chrysler: It isn't so much the fact that they are stolen that makes them attractive. You have to remember that many top businessmen spend more of their time in hotels than in their own home. They become used to hotel life. They think of hotels as home. Therefore they become used to hotel hangers and think of them as normal, and on the rare occasions when they spend some time at home they can't stand these fiddly things with hooks which you and I may think of as normal but which the business traveller thinks of as loose-fitting and badly designed. So they come to me and get me to make a hotel-style wardrobe.

Counsel: Are you seriously suggesting that there are people who prefer hotel life to home life?

Chrysler: Certainly. A lot of businessmen would never go home if they had the chance. So when they get home they like to recreate the hotel experience in their own house. Many of my clients have their own mini-bars in their bedrooms. They have TV sets at the end of the bed on a raised shelf, often with an adult sex channel on it. All their bathroom products come in wrappers and are thrown away each day. I have even known people in their own home put out "Do Not Disturb" notices on the door of their own bedroom.

Counsel: Stolen, presumably, from some hapless hotel.

Chrysler: Never call a hotel hapless. They know what they are doing. No hotel loses money willingly. They may have things taken from them, but the stuff that guests leave behind is just as valuable.

Counsel: Are you serious when you say that clients of yours drink from their own minibars in their own bedrooms in their own homes?

Chrysler: Certainly. And just as in a hotel, they grumble about the price and size of the bottles, and the absence of ice.

Counsel: So why don't they get a proper fridge in their bedroom?

Chrysler: Because then it wouldn't be like a hotel.

Judge: Tell me, Mr Chrysler, do these businessmen of yours also have Gideon Bibles by their bedside at home?

Chrysler: Many of them, sir.

Judge: And where do you get the Gideon Bibles from?

Chrysler: Alas, they, too, have to be taken from hotels.

Judge: Then why are you not also up on a charge of Bible-stealing?

Chrysler: Because the Bibles do not belong to the hotels. They belong to the Gideon Society. And the Gideon Society has decided not to prosecute me, but to forgive me and tell me to go and sin no more.

Judge: And have you sinned no more?

Chrysler: Alas, no.

 



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Geomancer - book 1
Two hundred years after the Forbidding was broken, Santhenar is locked in war with the lyrinx. Despite the development of battle clankers and mastery of the crystals that power them, humanity is losing. Tiaan, a lonely crystal worker in a clanker manufactory, is experimenting with crystal when she begins to have visions.


Tetrarch - book 2
Two hundred years after the Forbidding was broken, Santhenar is locked in war with the Lyrinx - intelligent, winged predators who will do anything to gain their own world. Despite the development of battle clankers and mastery of the crystals that power them, humanity is losing. Tiaan, a lonely crystal worker in a clanker manufactory, was experimenting with an entirely new kind of crystal when she began to have extraordinary visions. The crystal had woken her latent talent for geomancy, the most powerful of all the Secret Arts - and the most perilous. Now Tiaan is leading her people in a last desperate stand against the Lyrinx . but if they are to survive she must master her new powers or be destroyed.

 
Alchymist aka Scrutator - book 3
The Node has failed, rendering humanity's battle clankers and the Aachim's constructs useless. Hordes of alien Lyrinx are swarming from the tar pits of Snizort. The fate of humanity is dependent on one wily old man, the Scrutator Xervish Flydd. But he has been condemned to die a brutish death.


Chimaera - book 4
The winged Lyrinx are conquering Santhenar, each engagement weakening the faltering human resistance. The Aachim watch and wait - their invasion diverted in favour of a treacherous temporary alliance against the Lyrinx threat. The last hope lies with a small yet determined band of fighters, led by disgraced Scrutator Xervish Flydd, who had escaped from the ruling Council's brutal retribution. But Xervish and his supporters have now been condemned to a painful death for supposed treachery ... However, two rebels are missing: Tiann - a geomancer of immense power, and arch-traitor Nish. They could make the difference between victory and certain annihilation.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A severely premature baby survived after doctors used a sandwich bag to keep her warm.

Lexi Lacey was born 14 weeks early weighing just 14 ounces (396 grams) and her parents were told she had a ten per cent chance of survival. Lexi Lacey owes her life to some MacGyver inspired doctors and a sandwich bag. ''The doctors told us they had never known a baby born as prematurely as Lexi survive. She was so tiny the only thing they had to keep her body temperature warm was a sandwich bag from the hospital canteen - it's incredible to think that saved her life," says her mom.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Chinese deer in Weihai, northern China’s Shandong province poses a somewhat awkward dilemma for Alcoholics Anonymous whose commendable work is limited to those among us who walk on two legs and drink too much.

deer 1 Can Deer Develop a Drinking Problem? picture

The deer does not reside in an animal sanctuary, but rather at a resort where has developed a penchant for lager that was discovered last November. A woman working as a waitress at the resort’s restaurant, found the telltale evidence of a “one for the road” party when she was cleaning up.

“I saw a bottle of beer was still half full so I playfully passed it to the deer. Unexpectedly, it bit the bottle … and drank all the beer in one shot… To begin with, it was half a bottle but now it is several big bottles in a row. Her daily feed is around two bottles. I don’t know what her maximum appetite is, though we once tried giving her four bottles and she drank them all,” says Zhang Xiangxi.

Whenever there is any leftover beer in the restaurant, she feeds it to the deer who has become a local party animal (and needs only a party hat to complete the picture).

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Hivision SpeedPad has a 7-inch 800 x 480 resolution LCD touchscreen, Samsung ARM11 800MHz processor, 2GB of storage, 256 DDR2 RAM and runs Android. It has WiFi b/g, external 3G, Bluetooth and GPS dongle connectivity and also features a 4200mAh battery good for 6 hours of use between charges. Other goodies include web browser, email, webcam and a few other choice applications.

Another one somewhat cheaper and lower spec

Main Product Picture - click to enlarge

http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.39169
Friday, September 3, 2010
There’s a major battle brewing between the French government and the French ISPs. A line is being drawn and it’s about the money. While this was foreseeable thanks to our earlier reports, it will be very interesting to see how far the battle will escalate. One report suggests that ISPs may even opt to not honor their end of the anti-piracy effort.

Heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers according to a 20 years study following 1,824 people. From the article: 'But a new paper in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research suggests that - for reasons that aren't entirely clear - abstaining from alcohol does actually tend to increase one's risk of dying even when you exclude former drinkers. The most shocking part? Abstainers' mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers.'"

http://photos.travelblog.org/Photos/25602/142960/f/1029115-Bundaberg-Rum-Factory-1.jpg

http://www.zwani.com/graphics/alcohol/images/alcohol73.jpg

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