Archive

Login Form

Search

Categories

Blogroll

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

By Kingpin, on 15-12-2008 18:39

Views : 68941

Published in : Articles, Humor, Actual site

Over the past 6 months, I have been playing a fun game with my credit card company. The game finally backfired on me today and led me through the most hilarious moment of my life. Most people would have been embarrassed, but me, I'm a little twisted, so I laughed all the way through it like an asshole.

With any story, there is a setup process. Here is the setup to this story. About 6 months ago, I was making a purchase with my credit card and when I went to sign the electronic signature machine, it was broken. By broken, I mean that when I touched the pen to the machine, it went crazy and didn't look anything like my signature. It looked like a drunk 4 year old signed my name for me. It accepted the signature without any problems. So this really made me wonder what I could do to give my credit card company something to laugh about. I mean, they obviously don't review the signatures since they never called me or declined a purchase. For fucks sake, it could have been a stolen card.

I started out modest by signing with a line or an "X". Occasionally I would do last name first. After a couple of months, I became bolder. I wrote goofy shit, drew pictures, etc. Here's a list of some of my favorite signatures over the past few months:

I AM NOT KINGPIN
I STOLE THIS
FUCK OFF
FUCK YOU
WALMART SUCKS
CALL ME
CROTCHY CROTCHINGTON
MY BALLS ITCH
911
I'M A CRIMINAL
THANKS FOR THE STUFF

Today I went the extra mile. When it came time to sign my name, a thought popped in my head. I should draw a picture. But what picture should I draw? I smirked as something completely juvenile came to me. This is a rough drawing of the signature that I provided:

Yes, I know, it's not my best artwork, but I didn't have the time to be elaborate with the drawing. I had to look like I was providing a signature. Right after I hit "OK", there was a pause. The register then said "COMPARE SIGNATURE ON SLIP TO CARD." One thought popped in my head: "OH FUCK!" It then printed the receipt and there in black and white was my shitty drawing of cock and balls. The lady at the register didn't immediately look at it. She asked for the card. I handed her the card and she flipped it over. Then she brought up the receipt and she smirked, but then took a stern tone and said "These signatures don't match."

At this point I was in tears from trying to hold back my laughter. I tried to explain to her why I had done it, but it didn't matter. I probably didn't make sense as I laughed hysterically through the explanation. She then paged the manager and I erupted in laughter. The guy behind me in line got a glimpse of my signature on the receipt and began laughing. The manager comes up and the woman from the register begins whispering to him. I then hear a few words "he drew a penis..." as she holds up the receipt. The manager blurts out a short laugh and then controls it. He turns to me and I'm out of breath from laughing and I'm still giggling like a schoolgirl.

Manager: Sir, your signature...heh...umm...doesn't match the signature on your card.
Kingpin: I know and there is a good reason for that.
Manager: (quietly) You drew a penis on my credit card machine.
**The guy behind me bursts into laughter.**
Kingpin: Yeah, I didn't think this would happen. I've been trying to see how far I could go with my signature before the credit card company did something about it.
Manager: I guess you learned your lesson.
Kingpin: Yeah, the credit card doesn't accept penis.
**The guy behind me now can't stop laughing.**
Manager: OK, I'm going to decline the signature and have you sign it again.
Kingpin: Fair enough.
Manager: This time, really sign it.

So I had to sign it again and they wouldn't let me keep my artwork. Those bastards. I had singlehandedly broken up the monotony of their daily routine and given them something that they   will be talking about for years to come and they wouldn't let me keep it. They will tell their grandchildren about the guy that drew cock and balls as his credit card signature.

So I have a plan now. I'm going to get a new credit card and sign the back with my cock and balls drawing. Then I will consistently use that as the signature. That way, if I ever get caught in the same situation, the signatures will match. That will really fuck with them.

What could possibly go wrong with reviving a bacterium 120,000 years old and never seen before?

"Science Daily is reporting that a microbe, Herminiimonas glaciei, buried some 3 km under glacial ice in Greenland, and believed to have been frozen for some 120,000 years, has been brought back to life (abstract). The microbe, some ten to fifty times smaller than E. coli, was brought back over several months by slowly incubating it at gradually increasing temperatures. After 11.5 months, the microbe began to replicate. Scientists believe that it could help us understand how life may exist on other planets. Dr. Jennifer Loveland-Curtze, who headed up the team of scientists from Pennsylvania State University, said: 'These extremely cold environments are the best analogues of possible extraterrestrial habitats. ... [S]tudying these bacteria can provide insights into how cells can survive and even grow under extremely harsh conditions, such as temperatures down to -56C, little oxygen, low nutrients, high pressure and limited space.' She also added that it 'isn't a pathogen and is not harmful to humans, but it can pass through a 0.2 micron filter, which is the filter pore size commonly used in sterilization of fluids in laboratories and hospitals. If there are other ultra-small bacteria that are pathogens, then they could be present in solutions presumed to be sterile. In a clear solution very tiny cells might grow but not create the density sufficient to make the solution cloudy.'"

Wicked Lovely - Tattoo Faeries 1

http://ebooks-imgs.connect.com/product/400/000/000/000/000/109/401/400000000000000109401_s4.jpg

High school junior Aislinn and her grandmother have followed strict rules all their lives to hide their ability to see faeries because faeries don't like it when mortals can see them, and faeries can be very cruel. Only the strongest faeries can withstand iron, however, so Aislinn prefers the city with its steel girders and bridges. She takes refuge with Seth, her would-be lover, who lives in a set of old train carriages.

But now Aislinn is being stalked by two of the faeries who are able to take on human form and are not deterred by steel. What do they want from her?

One is Keenan, the Summer King, who has been looking for his Queen for nine centuries, bound by the rules and rituals that govern his quest. The other is Donia, a victim of those rules, consigned to the role of Winter Girl when she failed Keenan's test, yet still in love with him. Certain that Aislinn is the woman he must marry, Keenan shows up as a charismatic new student at her high school, unaware that she sees his true form. He's determined to court her and is puzzled by her rebuffs. Suddenly, none of the rules that have kept Aislinn safe is working anymore, but things aren't going as Keenan expects either. Both will have to change, make startling compromises and enlist surprising allies if they want to break free from the wicked game that has ensnared them.

Their greatest challenge will be to avoid the fatal traps laid by Keenan's mother, the Winter Queen. She will lose her power if Keenan finds his mate, and she will do anything to stop this. Unfortunately, she's a little too over the top to be totally threatening, a campy version of Hans Christian Andersen's Snow Queen -- part Disney witch, part Endora in "Bewitched." But this didn't stop me from devouring the book.

Ink Exchange - Tattoo Faeries 2

BookCover_InkExchangeMelissaMarr1.jpg image by PaganMoon

The new peace between the Summer King and the Winter Queen isn’t good for everyone: those of the Dark Court, who feed on faeries’ destructive emotions, are dangerously weakened. Irial, King of the Dark Court, needs a solution, and he finds one in the Summer Queen’s mortal friend Leslie. Tormented by memories of abuse, Leslie wants nothing more than to reclaim her body by getting a tattoo, but the enchanted design she selects provides Irial with a direct link to mortals’ emotions. The tattoo binds Leslie and Irial together even as a third faerie works to prevent their destructive yet seductive connection. All of Marr’s characters are complex, defying easy description and evoking sympathy and horror in equal measures, and all cast a thrall that will leave readers willing to forgive plotting that can be difficult to follow. This dark fantasy about survival and transformation is as mesmerizing as its urban faery subjects.

Fragile Eternity - Tattoo Faeries 3

http://muplibrary.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/fragile-eternity.jpg

Fragile Eternity, Melissa Marr's sequel to the New York Times bestselling Wicked Lovely and Ink Exchange, returns to Huntsdale, where faeries and mortals intermingle, wreaking continual havoc on each other's lives. Aislinn, who became a faerie in the first book, now has to deal with the awkward--verging on impossible--position of still being in love with her mortal boyfriend Seth, whom she can't even touch without burning. To complicate things further, as the new Summer Queen, Aislinn is eternally bonded to Keenan, the Summer King, and the attraction between them is palpable and constant. In the doomed loves that permeate these books, Marr deftly explores the essence of longing as she questions notions of fated love. Her characters are strong, with even the nastiest of the faerie troublemakers coming through as absolutely compelling and sympathetic. And their situations are rife with conflict, from the impossible mortal-faerie relationships to the ancient familial and courtly spats within the faerie realm. In the hands of a less talented writer, these complexities could easily veer into soap opera, but Marr's dark sensibility imbues the series with an eerie, sexy, mysterious ambience that gives it just the edge it needs.

Demonoid Torrent

Direct Download

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51JbHxHMUuL._SL500_.jpg

Betsy Taylor has problems that only a vampire queen/suburban wife could possibly understand. Such as taking the body of her werewolf friend Antonia—who died in her service—to Cape Cod, where she’s not sure if the Wyndham werewolves will welcome her with fangs or friendship. Meanwhile, her posse back in St. Paul is sending frantic e-mails alerting Betsy to her half-sister’s increasingly erratic behaviour. Looks like the devil’s daughter is coming into her own—and raising hell.

Download Directly

"In a world where being of mixed-blood is a major liability, Sabina Kane has the only profession fit for an outcast: assassin. But, her latest mission threatens the fragile peace between the vampire and mage races and Sabina must scramble to figure out which side she's on. She's never brought her work home with her---until now. "

Torrent here

Thursday, June 11, 2009

http://www.maps.org/news-letters/v18n1/v18n1-MAPS_24.pdf

Use of LSD-25 for Computer Programming

Here is a way I used LSD-25 for a complex programming project in 1975. I was working in New York developing a compiler for an application language called “MARLAN”. This application was for the then popular IBM 360 and was written in 360 Assembler Language. There were six large phases for this application, and I was the responsible chief architect and programmer for the project. There were approximately eight hundred subroutines in the entire system.

  At one point in the project I could not get an overall viewpoint for the operation of the entire system. It really was too much for my brain to keep all the subtle aspects and processing nuances clear so I could get a processing and design overview. After struggling with this problem for a few weeks, I decided to use a little acid to see if it would enable a breakthrough, because otherwise, I would not be able to complete the project and be certain of a consistent overall design. Overall design consistency was important to reduce program and design errors. I used only seventy-five micrograms because I was not interested in tripping, as I had a specific, limited and definite purpose for the use of LSD. While stimulated by the LSD I was able to get the entire system wholly in my mind at the same time. I spent some time mentally visualizing various aspects of the compiler, the language and the processing which would take place. I did discover three or four design inconsistencies while being stimulated by the effect of the LSD, and I made notes for later checking.

After twenty-four hours when the effect of the LSD was completely gone, I went over my notes. I needed to have a measure of ‘faith’ that the design changes suggested by my notes would produce the beneficial effects they seemed to imply; that is, I was again in the condition of being not able to conceive of the entire system at the same time in my mind. Once all the changes were made, I was able to successfully complete the programming of this huge system. The design changes I made reduced future program modification errors and contributed to the elegance of the design. The system was a commercial success for my employer and was used for many years by them. Although the use of LSD was an important component of the success of the system, no one knew of its use except me.

        * Denis R. Wier
        * dennis.wier@incatec.net

Books : Paranormal : English
Not my purchase, but I thought I'd pass it on.
Title - Once Dead, Twice shy
Author - Kim Harrison
Series - Madison Avery 01
Format - Html and Lit

Once Dead, Twice Shy by Kim Harrison
"My name is Madison Avery, and I'm here to tell you that there's more out there than you can see, hear, or touch. Because I'm there. Seeing it. Touching it. Living it."
Madison's prom was killer—literally. For some reason she's been targeted by a dark reaper—yeah, that kind of reaper—intent on getting rid of her, body and soul. But before the reaper could finish the job, Madison was able to snag his strange, glowing amulet and get away.
Now she's stuck on Earth—dead but not gone. Somehow the amulet gives her the illusion of a body, allowing her to toe the line between life and death. She still doesn't know why the dark reaper is after her, but she's not about to just sit around and let fate take its course.
With a little ingenuity, some light-bending, and the help of a light reaper (one of the good guys! Maybe . . . ), her cute crush, and oh yeah, her guardian angel, Madison's ready to take control of her own destiny once and for all, before it takes control of her.
Well, if she believed in that stuff.

Click here to download the torrent

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Curse the Dawn book 4 2009

book cover of 

Curse the Dawn 

 (Cassandra Palmer, book 4)

by

Karen Chance

Cassie Palmer may be the world's chief clairvoyant, but that doesn't mean people have stopped trying to kill her. And now, the self-styled god Apollo, the source of Cassie's power, is on the warpath - leaving her no choice but to face down her creator once and for all.

Direct download here

Georgia Kincaid 04 - Succubus Heat

book cover of 

Succubus Heat 

 (Georgina Kincaid, book 4)

by

Richelle Mead

Georgina Kincaid has been a bad, bad succubus...which should be a good thing. But lately, thanks to her foul mood over breaking up with bestselling writer Seth Mortensen, she's been so wicked that Seattle's uber-demon Jerome, decides to 'outsource' Georgina to a rival - and have her spy for him in the process. Being exiled to the frozen north - okay, Vancouver - and leaving Seth in the cosy clutches of his new girlfriend is unpleasant enough. Then Jerome is kidnapped, and all immortals under his control mysteriously lose their powers. One bright spot: with her life-sucking ability gone, there's nothing to keep Georgina from getting down and dirty with Seth - nothing apart from his girlfriend that is. Now, as the supernatural population starts turning on itself, a newly mortal Georgina must rescue her boss and figure out who's been playing them - or all hell will break loose.

Download icon Download this torrent

New Block

Enter Block content here...

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Etiam pharetra, tellus sit amet congue vulputate, nisi erat iaculis nibh, vitae feugiat sapien ante eget mauris.